April----------(4-2-98)**(4-8-98)**(4-16-98)**(4-23-98)**(4-30-98)
May----------(5-8-98)**(5-14-98)**(5-23-98)**(5-30-98)
June----------(6-4-98)**(6-11-98)**(6-18-98)**(6-27-98)
July-----------(7-2-98)**(7-9-98)**(7-16-98)**(7-23-98)**(7-30-98)
August-------(8-6-98)**(8-13-98)**(8-20-98)**(8-27-98)
September--(9-3-98)**(9-10-98)**(9-17-98)**(9-24-98)

Howdy! Are you beginning to look forward to enjoying. cooler weather and the holidays? Hard to believe there are less than 100 shopping days until Christmas. Better get started. My sister in Florida, bless her soul, is one of the few people I know who not only says she is going to begin her holiday shopping early she actually does!
***
Why is it the day after you purchase something it goes on sale?
***
Woman huddled under a blanket on deserted, wind-swept beach, to husband: "Tell me again how much money we're saving by taking an off-season vacation."
***
Actully County Clerk Jim Hogan and I visited Ireland last November, off-season, and had a fabulous time. Once the crowds of tourists are gone, you can spend time with the natives and really find out how a country works.
***
From the interesting fact drawer: The only United States president who did not change any cabinet members during his whole term was Zachary Taylor. His term lasted sixteen months, he died while in office.
***
Woman to friend in furniture store studying a modernistic lamp: "it certainly is a conversation piece, I just don't know what to say about it."
***
Also overheard: "He's the kind of person you have to know before you dislike him."
***
Congratulations to Franklin Township resident Bill Wright on being named Acting Police Chief.Lt. Wright has been filling in that position since January, when former chief Mike O'Donnell went out on sick leave Lt. Wright is a capable individual who knows Franklin Township and its problems. We wish him the best of luck.
***
The experts tell us to be aware of any insurance agent who suggests doing you a 'favor' by omitting or falsifying any information that could make you look like a risk to the insurer. If the misrepresentation is found, you could have your claim denied or yur coverage, canceled. The agent is Certainly not going to help you. It is your responsibility to see that your application is accurate. -
***
The first requisite of a good citizen is that he shall be able and willing to pull his weight. - Theodore Roosevelt.
***
Community Day in Franklin Township just keeps getting better and better. It's great to see so many groups participate. and the community having a good time.
***
The grandmother's five-year-old grandson was spending the day with her. towards the end of the afternoon, grandma phoned her daughter to ask when she wanted him brought home. The instant reply: "When he's 16."
***
It's time again to wish a happy birthday to all who share these birthdays;
Sept.29-Gene Autry,1907;
Jerry Lee Lewis,1935;
Bryant Gumbel, 1948.
Sept.30 -
Angie Dickinson, 1931;
Deborah Allen, 1953.
***
We hear Franklin Township historian Betty Bajewicz is working on a book about former mayors and committees of the community. Anyone having old photographs or stories should contact her.
***
It's not true that Harpo Marx couldn't talk. He could talk just as well as his brothers. His silence was all for show business.
***
Another tip from the experts concerning next year's income tax. A canceled check is not adequate proof of a gift to a charity of $250 or more. You must obtain a written acknowledgement of your donation from the charity to verity the contribution. The charity is not requlred to provide the acknowledgement to you, you must ask for it.
***
The worried night school student protested to his instructor that he hadn't missed a class yet a notice had been mailed to him stating he had been absent three nights. Upon checking his records the instructor found that an error had been made and assured the young man it would be straightened out with the dean. "It's not the dean I'm worried about," replied the student, "Who's going to explain it to my wife?"
***
When we attend a sporting event of almost any kind, vendors are selling, hot dogs, popcorn, or drinks. In acient Rome, vendors also sold items at the Coliseum. They sold sweet rolls and other delicacies. Hmmm sounds like a good idea to reinstitute.
***
Driving her teen-age daughter home from the dentist, mom expected some mention of the handsome new assistant. When none was made mom asked, "Who is the young man in Dr. John's office? Don't you think he's cute?"
"Heaven's no!" she answered, "He's the Torturer's Apprentice!"
***
Definition: Committee - A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
***
And, down here - at the bottom, remember: Great opportunities come to those who make the most of small opportunities... . Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Howdy! Today, September 17th, is the 26Oth day of the year for those who keep track of such things. Next Tuesday, the 22nd, is not only the anniversary of the establishment of the post office by an Act of Congress in 1789, it is the first day of Autumn.
***
With the increasingly widespread use of computers, I now get about the same amount of information via e-mail as I do from the post olflce...In fact, I probably get more "junk mail" electronically than I do by the U.S Postal Service. If an extremely secure way is finally found to transmit fuuds electronically via the internet, I think it will greatly affect the future of the post office.
***
Why is it the waitress never asks if everything is okay until you have your mouth full?
***
From the interesting fact drawer: In order for somethlhg to be a true replica, it must be made by the maker of the original.
***
We are told to drink at least eight glasses of water a day. If you find that hard to do, try eating a dill pickle chip before each glassful. That will make the water taste sweeter.
***
Happy September birthday to:
Tommy Lasorda, 1927;
Shari Belafonte-Harper, 1954;
and Scott Baio, 1961, all born on the 22nd.
23rd-Julio Iglesias, 1943; Bruce Springsteen, 1949.
24th-Anthony Newley.
25th-Barbara Walters, 1931; Mark Hamill; 1951; and Heather Locklear, 1961.
26th-Jack LaLanne, 1914 and Olivia Newton John, 1948.
27th-Shaun Cassidy, 1958.
28th Brigitte Bardot, 1934.
***
In the strictest sense, the Congressional Medal of Honor does not exist. It is officially just the Medal of Honor. But since it is presented "in the name of the Congress of the United States," the designation has come to include the term. Congressional.
***
How's that again? Headline in a local paper: "Couples Pledge Marriage Vows in Late Winter Ceremonies While Others Plan Happy Events."
***
The chorus girl was showing her girlfriend a picture of her fiance. "He's just a big, clumsy, good-natured country boy. That thing behind the barn is his oil well"
***
In Europe about 350 years ago, it was considered fashionable for a gentleman to wear outside girth straps, much like a carpenters' tool belt. From hooks on this. strap, they hung keys, purses, daggers, nutmeg graters, pens and inkwells. Now you know.
***
Definition: Middle age: When you hear two voices. One says 'Why not?' The other says 'Why bother?'
***
If your foot slips, you can recover your balance, but if your tongue slips, you cannot recall your words.
***
I almost choked on my coffee when I read about Jacquelyh. Morrow Lewis Ledgerwood last week. She won enough votes a few weeks ago to be a runoff candidate in the September 15 election for the United States Senate. The trouble is she died before the election too close to have her name removed from the ballot.
When I first thought about it, I figured the voters in Oklahoma City were nuts to elect a dead woman. But after thiking a little more about it I figure those mid-westerners are a lot smarter than we are. And if she wins the runoff, will the Senate be any worse off than it is now? I'm not sure both Senators from New Jersey are really alive based on the amount of money we send to Washington and the amount we receive back. Real live. Senators would be screaming about that and I don't hear anything more than wimpers coming out of their offices. And you can't blame a dead Senator for some of the stupid spending bills the live ones originate... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Howdy. Today is September 10th, the 253rd day of the year. To most, September signals the end of summer and the beginning of autumn. As the days rapidly grow shorter, it's time to begin thinking of the holidays. Strange isn't it, we always know they are coming but we are never really ready for them when they get here.
***
I just received a copy of a fantastic map that was sent to me by the National Geographic Society. They're sending a similar map to all 100,000 plus public and private schools in the country as part of the Society's long term campaign to improve geography education.
***
So I goofed... I recently received a letter from a reader informing me that W.C. Fields red nose wasn't a result of drinking alcohol, but rather from a skin condition known as rosecea. I now stand corrected. Same reader suggested that I should have chosen Bill Clinton as the stupidest man of the decade for expecting the public to believe him about draft dodging, not inhaling and various affairs.
***
Franklinville residents Donna, Howie and Joelle Atkinson, were the subjects of a feature story in the September 1 edition of Woman's World magazine. The feature tells the story of Joelle's struggle for life after her kidneys failed and now Howie donated one to her.
***
A Franklin Township day celebration isn't new. Over 20 years ago the Franklin Township Lions Club held a yearly celebration at the old Franklinville School. Sam Wright, Joe Bass and a host of others worked for weeks to put on the very successful event.
***
From our interesting fact drawer... The Republican Party's first president was none other than Abraham Lincoln.
***
The Remington typewriter was used by Mark Twain to type the manuscript of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer in 1875. It was the first book ever composed on a typewriter.
***
Life is like a grindstone. Whether it grinds you down or polishes you up depends on what you're made of.
***
Now you know... The tip of a whip moves faster than the speed of sound (760 MPH) which causes it to make a cracking sound while breaking the sound barrier.
***
Does anyone really understand the new auto inspection rules. I read them a few times and I'm still confused. I think if you have a red car and have it inspected on Tuesday it's the last time you ever have to go through inspection. But blue cars that go through the line on Thursdays have to return every two weeks. Something like that anyway.
***
And, down here at the bottom...remember: When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long and regretfully on the closed door, that we do not see the one which has opened. Defeat is really education.... it is the first step towards something better... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Howdy. Today is the third day of September. The name 'September comes from the Latin numeral septem, meaning "seven" because it used to be the seventh month of the old Roman calendar. When Julius Caesar changed the calendar to make January the first month, September became the ninth month.
Yesterday, Sept. 2, was the 53rd anniversary of the signing of the unconditional surrender by Japan. That signing officially ended World War II in the Pacific.
Monday, Sept. 7, is Labor Day, the holiday that pays tribute to the nation's workers. It is also the anniversary of the first meeting of the Continental Congress in Philadelphia in 1774. Many important anniversaries in September.
Workers, enjoy your long weekend.
***
Area children will be going back to school next week. Drivers are reminded to watch out for kids waiting for school buses.
***
This is the first Labor Day weekend in years that I haven't planned on closing my swimming pool for the season. I moved and got rid of the thing. Think I'll have a 'glad I don't have to close my pool' party. I tried to keep it open later in the season the first couple of years I owned it, but the falling leaves and cold nights made it more work than it was worth.
***
The experts give us these tips to improve memory: Review something newly learned within 20 minutes. New infermation is lost rapidly, especially within the first 20 minutes after learning. Study sessions' should be in blocks of 20-minutes followed by five-minute reviews. Organizing information into chunks of seven items or fewer also helps. To memorize a list, divide it into smaller, logically grouped lists, each with seven or fewer items.
***
For those of you who have birthdays this month, here are some who share your special day. September 1: Lily Tomlin, 1939. September 2: Mark Harmon, 1951. September 3: Charlie Sheen, 1965. September 4: Paul Harvey, 1918; Mitzi Gaynor, 1931. September 5: RaqueLWelch, 1940; Bob Newhart, 1929. September 6: Jo Anne Worley, 1937; Jane Curtin, 1947. September 7: Richard Roundtree, 1942.
***
The experts tell us you can blame foot odor on excessive peispiration from the more than 250,000 swet glands in the foot. To take care of foot odor, change shoes daily to let them air out, change socks at least once a day, use foot powders and, surprisingly, soak feet in Vinegar and water.
***
From our interesting fact drawer:
Many illustrious Americans owned or operated taverns. These included Ethan Alien, leader of the Green Mountain Boys; Samuel Adams, "Father of the American Revolution"; John Adams, second President of the U.S.; William Penn, founder of Pennsylvania; Andrew Jackson, military hero and seventh President of the U.S.; and among many others, Abraham Lincoln, who obtained a tavern license in 1833.
***
Definition: Bargain; A transaction in which each party think's he has managed to outsmart the other one.
***
Did you read about the unnamed couple in Texas who are giving $2.3 million dollars to Texas A&M University to have their beloved dog Missy cloned. The couple say they believe Missy is the perfect dog, with the Perfect bark and perfect howl. And since the collie-husky mixed breed is 11 years old, they want to insure they can have a copy to keep around for many more years.
My Grandad used to say that a fool and his money are Soon parted, and if this isn't a prime example of that adage I don't know what is... Don'tcha think.:. ot Don't ya?

.What an amazing country we live in. One day we find out our President admits to being a lying, no good cheat and the next day we support him fully in a fight against terrorism.
***
Some people think he used the missiles on Afghanistan and Sudan in an effort to divert attention away from his own problems. Could it be that he found getting back to Washington and fighting terrorism is easier than fighting with Hillary?
***
I've heard a few people criticize Senators Arlen Specter and Dan Coats for questioning Clinton's motives. Don't. We always need someone to play devil's advocate and point out alternatives. Presidents aren't above lying about military operations. Remember President Johnson and the Gulf of Tonkin affair that proved to be a phony attack in order to gain public support for escalating the Vietnam war.
**
Overheard at a recent Rotary Club meeting... Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery and today's a gift... that's why we call it the 'present'!
***
The experts tell us to try this simple trick if you are having a difficult time falling asleep. Concentrate on keeping your eyes open in the dark. The more you try to keep them open, the more the lid-closing reflex is strengthened and the more the eyes want to close in sleep. This advice, from a German medical report, is a trick that has helped many people fall asleep. Hey, if it works, why not!
***
From our interesting fact drawer: In ancient Siberia, during a long dry spell, three men were chosen to climb a fir tree. The first man would drum on a small cask to imitate thunder, The second would knock two burning sticks together to imitate lightening. The third, in the highest branches, would sprinkle water on the ground. If Mother Nature took notice and made it rain, the trio was rewarded by a grateful community. If it stayed dry however, the three men were invited into a special hut and clubbed to death. I can't help but wonder how many inaccurate television weather forecasters would stay in their chosen profession if this tradition continued today.
***
The President's stubbornness reminds us of the story about a sea captain on a foggy night. He saw what looked like the lights of another ship approaching him. He ordered his signalman to contact the other ship with the message: "Change your course ten degrees to the south."
The reply came back: "Change your course ten degrees to the north."
The captain bristled and answered through his signalman: "I am a captain, so change your course ten degrees to the south."
The reply: "I am a seaman first class, change your course ten degrees to the north."
The captain was really infuriated by this time so he signaled back: "I am a battleship, change your course ten degrees to the south immediately!"
He receive the reply: "I am a lighthouse. Change your course."
***
What do you think about Governor Whitman's plan to use high tech helicopters to fly over your home and probe your gardens to see if you have a marijuana plant in it?
Seems to me that she's as bad as President Clinton. Instead of using the funds to fight a real war against hard drug traffickers in our inner cities,·which is very difficult, she'd rather take the easy route and make it look like the state if successful in fighting the drug war by busting a few marijuana patches.
The law also calls for paying a $500 reward for turning in your neighbor if they grow pot. It's another example of the U.S. getting more like Russia, with neighbors encouraged to turn against neighbors.
I'm less concerned about my neighbor smoking pot, as long as they don't try to sell it to children, than I am about sly government intruding on the private lives of its citizens. Personally, with victimless crimes, I like the phiIosophy, live and Let Live. It's a good example to live by...Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Howdy! Next Wednesday is Woman is Equality Day (or Susan B. Anthony Day). It is the anniversarv of the proclamation of final approval of the Nineteenth Amendment giving women the privilege to vote. That was August 26, 1920. · A··lot of water has passed under the bridge since then.
***
Soon after the honeymoon was over, the bride began to complain about household finances. "Before we were married," she nagged, "you told me you were well off."
"Oh, I was," sighed her husband, "I was."
***
Our 'Stupidest man of the decade' award goes out to John Issa, of Plainfield, Ohio, who was ordered to take a urine test recently to test for drug use. When the lab results came back they showed that old John was pregnant. His probation officer was smart enough to know it probably wasn't John's urine that was submitted. Another test proved positive. John's going to be a guest of the county for the next year. By the way, John's wife is pregnant.
***
By the way, have you noticed how the President's nose seems red and bulbous these days ? Looks a little like W.C Fields. Hope it's not for the same reason.
***
Cement and concrete are not the same. Cement is merely one ingredient which goes into concrete.
***
A lot of people are concerned after recent news articles reported that there is a higher than permissible amount of radium in some wells that draw water out of the Kirkwood-Cohansey aquifer, which is just about all of us.
The reports noted that if 10,000 people drink 2 liters of water every day for 70 years, one of them will develop a case of cancer due to the radium. Seems to me to be about the same odds as winning the powerball lottery.
I don't understand why some news agencies have to use scare headlines when the real odds of something happening are far less that the reports would have them seem.
You'd have a lot better chance of being killed by driving to a supermarket to pick up bottled water than you would from drinking your tap water for the next 70 years.
If you're affected, a water filter is a good idea, but you don't have to drop everything to get it done tomorrow.
***
Why is it whenever you dip a potato chip in the dip it always breaks off and you have to stick your fingers in the dip to get it out?
***
The experts tell us if you have dogs or cats in your home, put flea powder in the vacuum cleaner bag. The reason? The bag acts as an incubator for the flea eggs.
***
If you like fine Italian food, check out the Cafe Centro at Main and Chestnut in Vineland. Probably some of the best Italian food in Cumberland County.
***
Invented by a health-education officer in Sandwell, England, two electronically operated life-size figures are helping teenagers kick the smoking habit. The figures, named Sally and Carl, puff on cigarettes. Teens can see the effects of smoking as the nicotine and tar build up on the filter material fitted into the models lungs.
***
The experts tell us that too-tight pants may explain discomfort, belching and even heart palpitations two to three hours after eating. Someone whose girth is two inches greater than their pants size (his or hers) has impaired gastrointestinal functions after big meals. Two simpie solutions if this might be your problem, eat less food ... or wear bigger pants.
***
A search of the interesting fact drawer tells us about the medicine man of the Batak tribe in Indonesia. If a patient of the medicine man survives, he puts a feather in his hat. The hat must be displayed on a stone head at all times and serves as a record of the medicine man's proficiency.
***
In our 'Have you ever wondered?' department, here's an interesting tale. A few centuries ago in England, there was a popular tavern called 'The Cock & Bull' where customers would sit for hours exchanging stories of their adventures. As the evening wore on, the stories would grow increasingly far-fetched. Soon the towns people began referring to any unbelievable story they heard as a 'Cock & Bull story,' The expression rapidly became a part of the American vocabulary. Now you know.
***
Don't be too hard on our politicians. Many of them are doing the work of two men - Laurel and Hardy.
***
The librarian received a call from a person asking when the Cenozoic Era began. He consulted a number of sources and reported back that the Cenozoic Era started about 65 million years ago.
"Couldn't you be more specific?" the caller demanded.
"Sure," answered the librarian. " August 1 - 65 million Years ago."
***
Keep in mind the wise man doesn't expect to find life worth living; he makes it that way. Good words of advice... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Howdy. Well, here it is, the middle of August already and only 140 days left in the year. It's also the beginmng of the great annual race between weeds and vegetables.
***
I can remember when I was in elementary school, Mrs. Sobelman telling us about the horrible conditions that existed in Russia, where the schools took away parential responsibilities and taught the children how to behave, often in contrast to their parents wishes.
I didn't think that could ever happen here until I read a story elsewhere in this edition about a program that is about to be implemented in the Clayton School system called "Life Skills Program."
It makes you wonder why a school system that has a hard time teaching reading, riting and rithmatic" now thinks it can add parential duties to that list?
If I had a child in that system, and they tried to cram it down my throat I can guarantee he would either go to a private school or be home instructed. Shame on the school board members who approved such a program.
***
Here's an interesting fact. Weather studies show there are more thunderstorms in the world on the second day after the full moon than at any other time. Hunmmm, have to check that one out.
***
Another interesting fact is that 13 percent of the callers to New Jersey's Gambler's Hotline are over 55 years old. It's also true that while the state collects over $1 billion a year in fees from the lottery, casinos, bingo and horse racing, It only spends $600,000 a year for compulsive gambling programs.
***
Got an old car cluttering up your yard? Neighbors complaining? Why not call 1-888-212-9900 and donate it to the Diabetes Association. They'll even tow it away free of charge!!
***
I enjoy those ads on television these days that ask 'Where do you think you are, in Pennsylvania?' that are promoting that states deregulated electric utilities. When will it happen here in New Jersey?
***
Seems like a lot of politicians are only interested in short term projects that can be finished before their next election. What we really need is leaders with vision, who can lay down a long term plan for our communities. Without a vision of where we want to be ten years from now, we'll continue to flounder. Politicians have been telling us we need water and sewer for the past 30 years, but no one had outlined a concrete plan on how to get the job done.
***
Assembly Speaker Jack Collins wants a measure to freeze taxes for an elderly couple who make up to $21,970. That seems quite high to me. What about all the young couples who are making less than $425 a week and are paying taxes and trying to raise a family? Don't they deserve a break too? Instead, if this measure passes, it will raise property taxes for the rest of us and drive business out of the state. Bad idea! And we though Republicans didn't want to raise taxes.
***
Isn't it funny how the recent school shootings made front page news across the nation but when the fact that school shootings are actually down from 55 in 1992 to 40 this year, the report is either nonexistent or buried on the back pages?
Readers, check the facts. You're not getting all of them if you only depend on television news or the mainstream media. Their battle for ratings and readers is more important to them than getting the facts correct.
***
Until next time, remember, steel is worthless too, when it loses its temper... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Hello. Welcome to August. Today is the 218th day of the year with only 147 left until we say goodbye to 1998. Time is steadily marching toward the new millennium.
***
A woman waiting at the door ready to go to the store had her arms full of coats. Four children stood at her side. Her husband, coming down the stairs, asked why she was standing there. Handing him the coats, she said, "This time you put on the children's coats and I'll go honk the horn."
***
From the interesting fact drawer: The first woman to drive an automobile across the United States was Alice Huyler Ramsey, a Vassar graduate. She drove from New York to San·Francisco in 1909 - when there were no paved roads in many regions.
***
A Young man, warming up before he began jogging, placed both hands on a large oak tree and began pushing against it to stretch his calf muscles. An elderly gentleman walking by paused, shook his head and muttered to himself,'"Youth today," then said to the young man, "You'll be there forever doing it that way sonny, you'd better use a saw.
***
If you are planning a vacation, especially overseas, perhaps you should remember to check some of these helpful hints while packing.
Take an extra pair of eyeglasses and/or a copy of the prescription in case. you lose or break the pair you wear.
Carry a good supply of needed medication and extra written prescriptions. The prescription should contain the generic names of medications since brand names vary from one country to another.
Carry a summary of your medical history. If you have allergies, wear identification necklaces or bracelets. Just a few helpful hints to make your vacation a little safer and stress free.
***
One executive to another: "I keep this goldfish bowl on my desk because of the novelty. It's nice to have something opening its mouth around here without asking for a raise.
***
"Judge," said the defense attorney, "my client pleads guilty to the lesser charge of double parking in front of the bank while the holdup was in progress."
***
For those of you who have August birthdays, here are a few who may share that special day.
August 5, Loni Anderson - 1946.
August 6, Robert,Mitchum - 1917.
August 7, Grandma Moses - 1860.
August 8, Mel Tillis - 1932; Dustin Hoffman - 1937; and Keith Carradine -1950.
August 9, Melanie Griffith - 1957 and Whitney Houston - 1963.
August 10, Jimmy Dean - 1928 and Rosanna Arquette - 1959.
Happy birthday to all.
***
Martial law is practically never invoked in civil disturbances and calling in the National Guard does not mean martial law has been declared. If a region were really to be placed under martial law, all civil rights would be suspended and military courts established in place of civil courts.
***
"I'm not happy, I'm cheerful. There's a difference. A happy woman has no cares at all A cheerful woman has cares but has learned how to deal with them." - Beverly Sills
***
Telemarketing is a big time business for many companies. However, not all telemarketers are 'above board.' Beware of telemalrketers who ask for your checking account number instead of your credit card number. The fraudulent telemarketer can print a demand draft that permits them to withdraw money directly from your account. These drafts look like checks and are processed quickly even without your signature. It is always advisable to be cautious when giving out personal information.
***
Sign on an executive's desk: "It's too late to agree with me. I've already changed my mind."
***
Now you know. A compound fracture is when the bone has broken through the skin.
**+
Being welcomed at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter were a famous lawyer and a pope. The lawyer was shown to a luxurious suite, beautifully furnished, with an extensive library, and valuable paintings. The pope was shown to his room, a chilly, sparse and bare cell.
"Wait a minute," said the pope, "how come the lawyers quarters are so much finer than mine?"
"Well," said' St. Peter, "we" already have more than 100 popes; he's our first lawyer.
**
Money may not bring happiness, but everybody wants a chance to find that out for himself. Just look at the lines for last week's Powerball lottery in Delaware. I can't understand why anyone would wait in line for six hours to buy a one in eighty million chance, even for $250 million. I don't play the lottery and figure I "win" at least %50 a year by not playing. Can't beat those odds... Don'tcha think,.. or Don't ya?

Have you ever noticed that nothing makes a person more productive than having to do something the last minute? Good day and welcome to the last week of July. For those of you who keep track of such things, today is the 211th day of the year. There are only 154 more in 1998.
***
"Oh, what a'lovely'cow!" the young girl . on her first trip to the country said to the farmer, "But why doesn't it have any of those big horns?"
"Well, there are several reasons," the farmer explained. "Some cows don't have them until later in life. Others have them removed, while other breeds are born without them. That cow doesn't have any horns because it's a horse."
***
When Harry S. Truman was a US senator, he made it his responsibility to learn all about the complex legislation pending before his committee. To do that, he arrived at the office very early every morning. So early in fact, that he became the first senator ever issued his own key to the Senate office building. Hunmm. If keys were issued today, do you wonder if an inventory of the items in the offices would have to be made every morning and evening?
***
The experts tell us ordering replacement checks would be cheaper if you order them directly from check printing companies. Banks make a profit on check orders, so by eliminating the middie man, the bank, you can save almost half the cost. If you or your business write many checks, this will be a money saver for you.
***
An anxious wife confided to a friend as they watched her husband fishing in a bucket of water in the middle of the living room: "I'd take him to a doctor, but we really need the fish."
***
The fool who's soon parted from his money must wonder why that's supposed to make him different from everybody else.
***
A point to ponder: This summer, a third of the nation will be ill-housed, illnourished and ill-clad. It's called a vacation.
***
Substituting margarine in place of butter in order to lower calories is not true. They both contain the same amount of calories,
***
If you wish to leave footprints in the sands of time, merely start walking.
***
Drinking water does not cause weight gain. The body quickly eliminates any excess water. And, since water is crucial to good health, especially for someone just beginning a weight-loss program, it is beneficial in aiding digestion and flushing out the body's waste products. Drinking the recommended six to eight glasses of water daily increases the feeling of fullness and helps you stick to your diet.
***
Grandfather: "How did your football team do this year?"
Grandson: "Oh, we had an undefeated season."
Grandfather: ;'That's remarkable."
Grandson: "Yes, we didn't defeat a single team."
***
Definition: Old Timer - One who remembers when the moon inspired romance instead of space travel.
***
The experts tell us to have better family relationships, start a family suggestion box for ideas, comments and complaints. At regular family meetings, review and discuss the suggestions. Many times things parents are not aware of are bothering their children. Better to have them straightened out now instead of letting them fester.
***
Memo to the New Jersey State Board of Education: This may be a hard lesson, but learning to say'NO' may be more useful to students than learning another language.
***
Husband to wife as they are about to leave the campsite on a deer hunting trip: "Now remember, when you shoot a deer, don't let any other hunter come up and say it's his. Stand firm and tell him you shot it and it's yours." Wife: "Got it."
After having taken aim and making her first- shot she quickly approached her prize only to find another man already there. She raised her gun toward him and told him to leave, I shot him and he's mine," she said sternly, just as her husband had admonished she should do. The other man raised his hands and told her, "Okay, okay lady, he's yours, just let me get my saddle off of him."
And, down here at the bottom, remember this: A committee of seven would get the most things done if six wouldn't show up... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Hello. How are you surviving the summer temperatures? Staying cool, spending lazy summer days at the swimming hole hopefully. Since we're more than half way through 1998, do you think we should start making our Christmas lists? Maybe thinking of Christmas in July will make it seem cooler. Think so?
***
Our elected and appointed officials should remember that every commercial tax dollar in Franklin Township reduces the tax rate for homeowners by one dollar. On the average, ever dollar collected in taxes on a two child home costs every other taxpayer three or more dollars in additional taxes in order to school the children.
***
I was glad to receive a copy of the Bradford County Telegraph from Starke, Florida recently. On the cover was a photograph of former Malaga resident Tony Spatafore, now a member of the Heiibronn Springs Volunteer Fire Department, fighting the recent bad fires in that state.
***
A foreign student was bemoaning his difficulty in learning the English language.
He told his friend: "When I first discovered that if I was quick, I was fast; that if I was tied, I was fast; if I spent too freely, I was fast; and that not to eat was to fast, I was discouraged. But when I came across the sentence,'The first one won one one-dollar prize,' I gave up trying."
***
Mr. and Mrs. Stewart were on a tour visiting the Colosseum in Rome.
"This room," said the guide, "is where the slaves dressed to fight the lions."
"But how does one dress to fight lions?" inquired Mrs. Stewart.
"Very slow-w-w-w-l-y," replied the guide.
***
Interesting fact time: New Hampshire was the only colony of the original 13 that was not invaded by the enemy during the American Revolution.
***
Definition: Patience... The ability to throttle your motor when you feel like stripping the gears.
***
It's birthday time for those who are interested. Two funny men share July 21 birth dates, Don Knotts, 1924, and Robin Williams, 1952. Jeopardy host Alex Trebek, will celebrate his birthday July 22, 1940. July 24 marks the date for Ameha Earhart, 1898, Lynda Carter, 1951 and Ruth Buzzi, 1936. Golden Girl Estelle Getty, July 25, 1924, Mick Jagger, July 26, 1943, and ice skater Peggy Fleming, July 27, 1948.
***
There is no such thing as a man-eating plant. It is true that some plants attract and'eat' insects, but no tree or plant has ever been found to eat men or large animals.
***
Did you ever wonder why a political party calls its aims a 'platform'? The answer is fairly simple. A political candidate must appear before his constituents in order to win their votes. To be seen and heard he must stand up on a platform. The platform is generally constructed of planks. And, from this, the statement of political faith upon which he stands-or falls-is called a "platform" and its various parts are known as "planks." Now you know.
***
Staying along the political vein, lately we've heard the term "dipping into the pork barrel" more frequently relating to some leading politicians. It once was the custom in country stores to keep available an open barrel of salt pork. Certain persons of the community would, at times, dip into the pork barrel-just as they dipped into the cracker barrel and help themselves without payment to the store owner. And so, from that we use the term "pork barrel" to indicate a common fund of money into which our legislators dip for their own and their constituents' more personal projects. The taxpayer could be looked upon as the store owner whose pork barrel is being plundered.
***
First golfer: "Why are you so late?"
Second golfer: "I had to toss a coin between mowing the grass and playing golf.
First golfer: "I still don't understand. Why are you so late?"
Second golfer; "Well because I had to toss it 17 times."
***
The experts tell us to pay credit card bills as soon as they arrive if there is a balance. Since most banks calculate credit card interest on the daily balance, the longer you wait the more you'll pay in finance charges. The only time it pays to delay paying credit card bills until the date they are due is when you intend to pay off the entire amount and there is no previous balance.
***
The young bride wanted to disguise the fact that they were honeymooning and - asked her husband while they were on the plane if there was any way they could make it appear they had been married a long time.
"Sure," her husband said, "You carry the bags."
***
"Free people, remember this maxim: we may acquire liberty, but its recovery, if once lost, is tedious and slow." - Rousseau.

Hello. Today is the 197th day of 1998 with onlv 168 days left to go. Does it seem that time has sped up? It's hard to believe that next Monday, the 20th is the 29th anniversary of man's first walk on the moon.
*+
It's a shame that the Clayton Borough Council has misplaced its priorities. It seems to me that they would be a lot better off spending funds on saving their police substation, a proven crimefighting tool, rather than spending the bucks on making a questionable position of deputy chief. Can't help but wonder if there isn't some backdoor connection in this matter. Maybe an Elk Township link??? Stay tuned.
**
Why is it that every time a crucial part in a mystery movie comes on, the phone rings or someone comes to the door?
+**
It's important that the Franklin Township Committee do whatever it can to try to save the Pegasus Restaurant in Malaga. The sewage problem isn't one that can be delayed for a year or two. We could end up losing a good ratable and many area jobs if somethinP isn't done.
***
The military man had completed his tour of duty and was taking a brush-up course in business administration at a local community college.
He arrived late to class almost every morning and the annoyed instructor finally asked him coldly, "I understand you were in the service?" He replied that yes, he had been.
"An'd what," she asked him, "did they say when you came in late?"
'Well," he said smiling, "it was usually, Good morning General."
***
The experts tell us when you are choosing a password for your computer, ATM, or whatever, choose a word that cannot be found in the dictionary. The reason being that some hackers use programs that run through every possible word until they find the right one.
**+
The attorney was questioning the witness. "Now, Mr. Wilson, did you or did you not, on the date in question, or at any other time, previously or subsequently, say or even intimate to the defendant or anyone else, whether friend or acquaintance or in fact a stranger, that the statement imputed you, whether justor unjust, was denied by the plaintiff, was a matter of no consequence or otherwise? Answer the question! Did you or did you not?"
Mr. Wilson looked thoughtful for a moment then said, "Did I or did I not what?"
**
Some people have more 'vision' than others. A good example of a person with such vision is Walt Disney. Mr. Disney had passed away when Disney World first opened so his widow was asked to speak at the opening. The gentleman who introduced her said, "Mrs. Disney, I just wish Walt could have seen this." She stood up and simply said, "He did," then sat down. We all have the potential to have visions for OUT future. The secret is to strive to achieve them and not expect them to be defivered on a silver platter.
***
Today's youngster's idea of roughing it is living in a house with only one telephone.
***
There is no Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, There is a chief justice of the United States. He is one of the nine members of the Supreme Court, appointed by the president with the advice and consent of the Senate. He is not elected by his peers, does get paid a little more, but he still has just one vote, the same as each of the remaining eight associate justices.
**
Have you noticed how some people only get their exercise by jumping to conclusions?
**
The experts tell us electric fans with their blades bent upwards at their ends tend to cool better than straight-bladed fans.
**
Interesting fact drawer time. The highest temperature ever recorded in the United States was 134 degrees. It occurred in Death Valley, California, on July 10, 1913. Guess the southwestern temperatures of 110-115 could be considered a cold snap.
***
Definition: Tact: the ability to build a fire under a friend without cooking your goose.
***
Time is a versatile performer: it flies, marches on, heals all wounds, runs out and will tell.
***
So-long for now, and keep in mind...worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you any place... Don'echa think... or Don't ya?

As some of us are sweltering in the heat of summer, it seems inconceivable that football teams are beginning practice for the upcoming fall season. Hello. Today is the 190th day of 1998, only 175 left until 1999. Until then, keep cool.
***
Why is it so many words used in crossword puzzles are unusable in everyday conversations?
***
The experts tell us at least 90 percent of all untreated back pains go away within two months. I must be in that other 10 percent.
***
Two Gloucester Colmty candidates for the November elections were talking. One candidate asked the other indignantly, "Did you tell Joe at the barber shop that 1 was a thieving, lying crook?"
"No," said the other, "i don't know how he found out."
***
A Main Road School student brought home a report card heavy with poor grades, "What have you to say about this?" asked his father.
"Well one thing for sure," the boy replied, "You know I'm not cheating."
***
The experts tell us for better home security, doors that lead outside should have their door hinge pins located on the inside of your house. This will prevent any intruders from prying the pins off and lifting the door up and out.
***
The sign in the cluttered hardware store told it all. "We've got it if we can find it."
***
How's that again? From an ad: "Now Delta flies nonstop to Jacksonville and back."
***
From the interesting fact drawer we learn that the wild animal that kills a bear most often is, of all things, a porcupine. It seems the porcupine's quills stick in the bears tongue. The bear can not eat and will starve to death.
***
The man came into the bar and ordered a martini. Before drinking it he removed the olive and put it in a small glass jar. Then he ordered another and did the same thing. After about an hour, he was full of martinis and the Jar was full of olives he left.
Another patron of the bar had been watching with interest and said to the bartender, "That was the most peculiar thing I have ever seen.
"What's so peculiar about it?" the bartender said, "His wife sent him out for a jar of olives."
***
When we think of Thomas Edison, we think of a man who was successful. Edison received 1,093 patents. Among them were winners and losers. One such loser was the creation of concrete furniture. Thank you though Mr. Edison, for the light bulb, phonograph and the motion picture.
***
Woman to hairdresser: "Tomorrow's my husband's birthday.
Hairdresser: "What are you getting for him?"
Woman: "Make me an offer.
***
A point to ponder: It is not the severity of punishment that acts as a deterrent. It is its inevitability. -John Endsley
***
After seeing an article in last week's newspapers about 60% of the prospective teachers in Massachusetts who failed the states new teachers test, you can't help but wonder how they ever got into, let alone graduated, from college. This says a lot about the quality of today's college graduates, but just about any employer already knows that.
I'd be willing to bet that New Jersey's teachers can't do any better, but the NJEA would never allow such a test to be administered here.
It does answer the question though, of why students in Atlantic City have a failure rate of 75% on this year's 8th grade reading test. That failure rate was only 40% in 1993. Makes you wonder...Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Welcome to July. This Saturday, we will honor the birthday of the independence of our great conntry. On May 15, 1776, the Virginia Convention instructed its delegates at the Continental Congress meeting in Philadelphia to propose independence for the 13 colonies from British rule.
Following those instructions, delegate Richard Henry Lee introduced a resolution on June 7 that "these United Colenies are and of right ought to be free and independent States."
Congress appointed a committee of five, led by Thomas Jefferson, to prepare the document. Then, as most everyone knows, Congress accepted the Declaration of Independence on Ju~y 4, 1776. The American Revolution had officially begun even though the war against British rule had actually been raging for some time.
The Boston Tea Party had taken place on the night of December 16, 1773. The battles of Lexington and Concord were fought on April 19, 1775. American troops had already captured Fort Ticonderoga and Crown Point. And American troops under Richard Montgomery and Benedict Amold had already invaded Canada, capturing Montreal and besieging Quebec.
Yet, of all these dates, we celebrate July 4 as the date of our nation's independence from Britain. Why? Perhaps the reason lies in the nature of the American Revolution. It was not simply a war of national independence, not merely a struggle by force of arms.
Our revolution was, in its truest sense, a political revolution. It overthrew not only King George II, but the very idea of kings. American patriots left their fields and took up arms, not to cl;ange governments, but to change the fundamental relationship between government and the people.
The American Revolution and the Constitution are our heritage. We should be proud and thankful that ours was a successful revolution. By placing restraints on the power of the central government, we have built the most prosperous and the freest society the world has ever known. Yet the patriots of the revolution gave us not only freedom but a challenge. And that challenge is the duty to preserve the liberties for which they fought and died.
The original American revolutionaries deserve no less from us. May we never forget what a privilege it is to live in a country that affords freedom to its citizens. It is our responsibility to see that the knowledge of just how precious that privilege is be passed on to future generations.
***
It's nice to see that the Grochowskis are restoring the old home at the corner of Blackwoodtovvn Road and Delsea Drive in Franklinville. The entire area should become a showplace when the Township receives the funding for the proposed park on the old Franklinville School site.
***
Why is it when you walk your dog and the leash is in your right hand he wants to walk on the left and when you hold the leash in your left hand he wants to walk on the right?
***
A visiting dignitary was scheduled to deliver a speech at a banquet in his honor the night of his arrival in town. He wanted to use some of his same stories at a meeting he was attending the following day so he requested that the reporters not mention them in their news articles. A new, young, enthusiastic reporter finished his story line as follows: "He also told a number of stories that cannot be published."
***
For those of you interested in 'such things, Ringo Starr' was born on July 7, 1940. John D. Rockefeller and Nelson A. Rockefeller shared July 8th, as their birth date, John in 1839 and Nelson in 1908. Tom Hanks was born July 9, 1956, David Brinkley, July 10, 1920 and Tab Hunter, July 11, 1931. Sharing July 12 as their birthday are Milton Berle, 1908; Bill Cosby, 1937; and fitness guru Richard Simmons, 1948. Indiana Jones, better known as Harrison Ford, was born July 13, 1942. Hal~py birthday to all who share these birthdays.
***
"Enthusiasm and persistence can make an average person superior; indifference and lethargy can make a superior person average." - William Arthur Ward.
***
I think Governor Whitman's proposal to institute an "AccessNJ" card, which would be a single card containing your drivers license as well as information on government services, such as welfare and health care information, is an extremely dangerous proposal.
We've all heard6eCent neyys reports of people ha~g their id~~tie;"stolen'' by thieves who obtain phony I.D. credit cards and drivers licenses and then run up big debts before the real person becomes aware of the crime.
A single card, which wouldn't take thieves long to duplicate, even with their security provisions, would make the criminal's job even easier. And wonld you want the government to have access to that much information about you? I don't think so. I urge our elected officials to take action to put this insane idea to rest quickly, and so should you... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Greetings to all. Today is the 176th day of the year. Only 189 days left to go. Seems like time is always rushing past us. Many people who do not think they are addicted to anything, might be addicted to rushing. They rush to the store, rush to work, rush past the car in front of you only to stop at the red signal and wait to rush to the next one. Ask yourself, "Why am I rushing? What will happen if I don't?" Define the difference between necessary haste and impatient rushing. Slow down, stop being an addict to 'rushing'.
***
I received a consumer alert from the Federal Trade Commission's Consumer Protection Bureau asking me to alert our readers that most classified ads you see for government or postal jobs are rip-offs. They remind you that the government never charges an application fee and that free job information is available in the Philadelphia area by calling (215) 597-7440 or on the internet at www.usa-jobs.opm.gov.
***
The alternative to a vacation is to stay home and tip every third person you see.
***
The experts tell us two or three credit cards are plenty for most people. If you have more than that, you may be paying unnecessary annual fees.
***
A conference is the confusion of one person multiplied by the number of people present.
***
Timid employee to boss: "Sir, my wife said I was to ask you for a raise."
Boss: "Good, I'11 ask my wife if I can give you one."
***
A point to ponder: Everybody jokes about women drivers, but why is car in- surance more expensive for a man?
***
Good advice. When you recognize you have a fault, it is already half corrected.
**
Due to the weather Delsea Regional held its graduation ceremonies indoors for the first time in the school's history. It went off without a hitch... except for the heat.
***
The American tourist was a little perturbed when his stories of the wonders of his country made little impression on his English friends. They didn't seem to understand the gigantic size of his state or the superiority of American transportation. Trying to drive his point home he gave it one last try. "You can get into a train in the State of Texas at dawn and 24 hours later you'll still be in Texas."
"Ah, yes," one of the listeners politely answered, "we've got some pretty slow trains in this country too."
***
Definition: Department store detective - a counter· spy.
***
Will we soon see a former local elected official taking on a new job in that same system?
***
More from the experts. Use 2 tablespoons of mustard instead' of 2 tablespoons of mayonnaise on your sandwich and save 180 calories and 20 grams of fat.
***
Interesting fact. The names of all the continents are similar in that the first letter is the same as the last letter. AfricA, AmericA, AntarcticA, AsiA, AustraliA and EuropE.
***
A wise man once said, "It's not that I have more patience than anyone else, it's just that I use mine."
***
Let no feeling of discouragement prey upon you, and in the end you are sure to succeed. - Abraham Lincoln
***
We hope the state DOT comes up with a better solution to fix the 40/47 intersection than dividing the highway. It would be a disaster for the businesses in the area. Why not eliminate the overpass where it is now and continue Route 40 along the Boulevard, joining it in the area of the Liberty Bell? Makes sense... but that's something the DOT lacks... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?
******

Howdy. Today is the 169th day of the year. Next Sunday, the third Sunday of June, is Father's Day. It is the day set aside to tell your father how much you love him and appreciate everything he has done for you. The rose is the official Father's Day flower. A white rose for remembrance, and a red rose as a tribute to a living father.
***
Congratulations to all of our graduates. Despite the heavy rain, the Delsea graduation went on inside for the first time in the new gym. While parents got to see the event live, other guests could watch it on screens set up in the auditorium and other classrooms. Great idea!
***
Congratulations to Kathy Coblentz who was appointed as Secretary to the Superintendent at Delsea Regional High School
***
If you're looking for the best way to spend $12 in South Jersey, don't miss the Bridgeton Folk Festival this Saturday. Pack a picnic lunch and head on down to the Donald Rainear Amphitheatre, near the Bridgeton Zoo. Hope to see you there.
***
Conversation is an exercise of the mind,but gossip is merely an exercise of the tongue.
***
Mrs. Babbitt: Whenever I'm down in the dumps, I get myself a new dress."
Mrs. Talbott: "I wondered where you got them."
***
A point to ponder: You apply for a job and are told you need experience, but you can't get the experience because nobody will give you a job.
***
Good advice. Treat a friend as a person who could someday become your enemy and treat your enemy as a person who could someday become your friend.
***
Definition: A great man. When I met him, I was looking down. When I left him, I was looking up.
***
More from the experts. Cat and dog food is not inter changeable. Cats need two to three times as much protein in their diets as dogs do. Dog foods contain less protein and more grain than cats require.
***
Contrary to popular belief. Plymouth was not the first settlement in New England. Actually, In 1607, thirteen years previous to the landing at Plymouth, a colony of 120 persons was established at the mouth of the Kennebec River in Maine. The leader of this colony was George Popham. Although the colony did not last long due to a very hard winter and the death of two of the colony's chief sponsors, it still has the distinction of being the first settlement.
***
The boss, walking through the shipping area, noticed a boy sitting on top of a large box whistling.
Boss: "What's your salary, young man?"
Boy: "Thirty-five dollars a week, sir.
Boss: "Well, here's a week's pay. Get out. You're fired."
When the boss saw his foreman a little later he asked: "How long was that boy with us?"
Foreman: "Oh, he doesn't work here sir, he was just delivering a package.
***
Blessed is the person who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter and to lead but not manipulate.
***
Seems like too many politicians who get tossed out of office are rewarded with good paying, do-nothing jobs somewhere else in the public sector. As long as taxpayers sit back and remain apathetic about our governing process, this trend is going to continue. If the public doesn't have enough confidence to reelect them, they surely shouldn't continue on our payioll... Don'tcha think...or Don't ya?

Good day! My how time flies. It's hard to believe half the year is just about gone. The department stores are probably dusting off the Christmas decorations.
***
We want to know why several of the New Jersey instant lottery ticket game cards, such as the 'Win for Life' are being printed in Canada? It's hard to believe that no one in New Jersey or the United States is capable of producing the tickets. Since New Jersey money is buying the tickets, you'd think that some of those bucks would go toward providing more jobs for our residents.
***
The airline stewardess explained to the man that smoking was not allowed unless it was all right with other passengers in the immediate area.
Do you object to his smoking?" she asked the woman seated next to the man. I absolutely detest cigars," was the stony reply. The stewardess then asked a young man near the rear of the aircraft and he said he didn't mind, so she requested that the gentlemen change seats. As the smoker walked toward the rear seat, his former seat mate confided to the stewardess, "I've been married to that man for 30 years and I still can't get used to his awful cigars."
***
Why all the talk about spending more New Jersey tax dollars on open spaces. I'd be willing to bet that not more than one tenth of one percent of all the land in New Jersey is developed to the extent that it has a building or blacktop on it. In Cumberland, Salem and Gloucester counties it's probably closer to 1/100 of a percent. Think about it! That means that more than 99.9% is still undeveloped.
***
The experts tell us baby boomers go bankrupt more often than any other group. The most common reason given for bankruptcy is high credit card debt.
***
The commanding officer's father was a well-known politician and he never let anyone forget it. One morning he was chewing out a new recruit and during his tirade he asked the lad, "Do you know who my father is?" The young man looked him straight in the eye and replied:'Why, no sub, don't you?"
***
No! No, no. The idea that rain cleans the air has very little truth to it. Other than giving us a fresh, clean smell, rain has only a slight effect on air pollution and does not in any way purify the atmosphere.
***
From the interesting fact drawer. Martin Sheen is the only actor to portray both Robert Kennedy and John F. Kennedy in television productions.
***
Joseph and Enenne Montgolfier were the first to send a manmade object into the air. On June 5, 1783, their hot-air balloon lifted into the air carrying a sheep, a rooster, and a duck. Less than a month after the successful animal passenger flight, the Montgolfiers completed their man-carrying balloon. On November 21, 1783, near Paris, France, the "Montgolfiere" lifted off the Earth carrying the first air passengers in history, Pilatre de Rozier and the Marquis de'Arlandes. Their flight lasted 25 minutes reaching an altitude of 280 feet and covering a distance of five and a half miles.
***
A minister, carried away by the sound of his own words, was delivering a very long sermon. He didn't notice the restlessness of the congregation until he heard a very small boy in the front pew ask his mother in a loud voice, "Mommy, are you sure this is the only way to get to heaven?"
***
"If we suffer the wandering of our attention, presently it will wander all the time." - William James on the adventure of being human.
***
Mother with two children to ice cream vendor: "What flavors do you have?"
Vendor: "Chocolate and vanilla."
Mother: "I get so tired of those two choices, why don't you have more?"
Vendor: "If you knew how much time it takes'em to make up their minds between chocolate and vanilla, you'd never have no other flavor.
***
Why is it that the warranty on your new car covers everything except the thing that's wrong with it?
***
The American Cancer Society is holding a "Relay for Life", a marathon to benefit the American Cancer Society, starting with opening ceremonies at 6:30 p.m. on Friday, June 12 and running until noon Saturday, June 13 at Vineland High School.
There will be a live band on Friday night and a Luminary Ceremony at 10 p.m. on Friday. There will also,be games, clowns, magic, puppets, face painting and more. One of the teams, Dennv's Dozen, led by Tammy Wetzei, will be walking in memory of my brother-in-law, Dennis Schuh, who died of Leukemia in April.
Tammy is also a member of Team in Training for the Leukemia Society of America. She will be running in a marathon in San Diego on June 21. Tammy needed to raise $3,000 to participate in the marathon. She will run in honor of three leukemia victims, including my brother-in-law.
Anyone wishing to donate to either of these worthy causes or to get more information can call the local chapter of the American Cancer Society at 692-1363 or the Leukemia Society at (800) 482-TEAM.
***
This thought is attributed to Ben Tillett: "God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her. Sound advice... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

How come the salesman you bought your car from and told you why it was so expensive now tells you why it's worth so little as a trade in?
*****
Good day. Today is the 155th day of the year. Only 210 to go folks. Watching the weather channel, it seems summer has hit some sections of the country. Out west they say 110 degrees isn't hot because it's a 'dry heat.' Well, your oven has 'dry heat' too, but who wants to sit in the oven?
*****
I can't help but wonder why one of Franklin Township's closed taverns isn't turned into a theme restaurant. It's worked very successfully elsewhere.
****
After finally breaking away from a woman who sought his advice on a health problem, the doctor sat down at his banquet table quite agitated.
"Do you think I should send her a bill?" he aske'd the attorney sitting next to him.
"Why not? You rendered professional service by giving advice," the attorney replied.
"Thanks," the physician said, "I think I'Il do just that! Upon arriving at his office, the doctor remembered the annoying woman and decided to send her a bill. There on top of his desk he found a statement from the attorney. It read: "For legal services- $75.
****
We should learn from the past - not live there.
****
Delsea's graduation is set for Friday, June 12th. Is the weather going to cooperate again this year?
****
According to history, very few countries, well established institutions, governments or constitutions have ever been destroyed by their enemies until they have been corrupted and weakened from within by'their friends.
****
Man has now conquered almost every dangerous thing in nature - except human nature.
****
Enthusiasm is a great asset. It is the factor that keeps life going on, the spark that lights the way in darkness. it keeps life on its journey when doubts and discouragement are allowed to creep in. Enthusiasm is the one asset that can compensate for many liabilities. Where life has enthusiasm, it can face the odds with courage and determination.
****
Mother to little boy saying his prayers: "I can't hear you, dear. "I wasn't talking to you," he answered firmly.
****
Although most of us think of Amelia Earhart as the most famous female pilot, there were many women in aviation before her. The first woman to pilot a plane in the United States, though not licensed, was Blanche Scott. The first woman to pilot a powered aircraft was French Baroness Raymond de la Roche, who flew a Voisin in 1909.
Trained at Moisant Flying School, Harriet Quimby became the first licensed woman flyer in the United States in 1911 and the first woman to cross the English Channel by air in 1912. Ruth Law began flying in 1912 and quickly gained fame as a daring stunt pilot and record breaker. Laura Ingalls was the first woman to cross the United States non-stop, and of course Amelia Earhart was the first woman to solo across the Atlantic in 1932.
****
Friendship cannot be purchased, rented or borrowed. It must be earned.
****
Did you know the salt in the ocean comes from the rocks on the land?
****
Most of us are too hard on ourselves. Give yourself permission to be happy. Don't feel guilty about taking time for yourself. Act on a spontaneous impulse every once in a while. Think back to when you were a child. The joy of being inquisitive, curious and flexible to change. Try to look.at each dayas a new experience.
****
People who do no more than they are paid to do are never paid for any more than they do... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?.

TOP OF PAGE

I just arrived back from England and read about Governor Whitman signing the auto insurance "reduction" bill. She signed the bill while a high school band was playing "Louie, Louie" I, and most others, have never understood the words to that song. But it was Probably appropriate. I don't understand this insurance bill either.
***
Despite the Governor's Promises that I'Il have a 15% decrease, I'm willing to go out on a limb and bet the house and dog that my insurance will drop little or none. If it costs a dollar to manufacture a widget, government can't mandate that it be sold for 85 cents without something giving.
***
One area insurance agent said that drivers should be especially careful to fill out insurance questionnaires properly. The fraud provision of this new bill is going to be aimed at the little guy rather than where it should be, at the medical and legal professions.
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I'd bet if the state disallowed lawyers from taking auto accident cases on a contingency basis we'd see insurance bills fall by 75 percent in no time.
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My thanks go out to President Clinton for making me sit in a hot airplane for 50 minutes at Heathrow waiting for them clear Air Force One out of the area.
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While catching up on a week's worth of reading, I noticed that the G-8 Conference in England made the front page of area newspapers. In London there was hardly a mention. It was their "SuperBowl" weekend and soccer dominated the news.
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Except for London's Sunday Times who had a lead photograph of Queen Elizabeth running across the grass at a horse race. She's some trotter.
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Our President isn't much liked in United Kingdom. Most that I talked feel he should keep his nose out of their business. Others Said they were keeping their wives and daughters out of Birmingham while Clinton was there. They're very much aware of the Clinton sex scandals.
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I also see that the Governor wants to let us vote this November on adding seven or eight cents a gallon to the gas tax. Looks like South Jersey is going to get the raw end of this stick too.
With virtually no public transportation and limited roadways, we'll pay the most because we have to travel the farthest and get the least.
Governor W is no fool. In order to make it more palatable she's selling this package by adding additional open spaces to the package. Once again, it's North Jersey that will benefit, and you and I who Will pay the freight.
You can bet your bippy that, if approved, most of those dollars are going to go to North Jersey. Remember that this November. Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

* I can't help but silently laugh when I hear people talking about how their children's schools are spending a bundle to wire classrooms for the internet. Some of them actually think this is going to replace good teaching and their little Johnny and Jane are going to become geniuses.
Those of you who use the internet know what a bunch of bull this is. For those of you who don't, I'm going to give you a little lesson.
First, it's not unusually hard to get on to the internet, unless you're using the number one internet provider in the world AOL. AOL becomes increasingly difficult to get on line after 3:30 Eastern time and becomes more difficult as the evening progresses.
That's due to hundreds of thousands of kids getting onto the net when they get home from school, usually to visit "chatrooms" where they type garbage back and forth between themselves. The problem gets worse the later it gets as midwest and west coast kids sign on.
Years ago, when I first started using the internet, it was a valuable tool. It was a pleasure to be able to research obscure information that was almost never available locally.
Today the "information highway" has become as bottlenecked as Interstate 95 at rush hour. I did a net search and requested articles about Franklinville, NJ for this story.
I received a total of over 100 "hits" during my search. If I was lucky and was able to open one file a minute, it would take me over two hours to read the information, most of which doesn't even pertain to the community.
I could have made my search more specific, but I think you get the point. Anyone with a web site that has a connection to Franklinville probably has it searchable by that name.
Don't get me wrong. I use the internet daily, and still find it valuable. But it is not the cure all that some educators would have you believe.
I have a good friend who is a teacher who informs me that many of his fellow teachers are completely ignorant about the internet and believe it can do a lot more than it really can. If this is the case, what are students and parents to believe?
If your children have access to the internet, take the~"Kinkade Challenge". Open an encyclopedia to a random page and topic. Read the article until you find a piece of information that is not generally known about that subject and put it into question form.
Now give the question to your child and ask him or her to go onto the internet and find the answer. Tell them to keeptrack of how many files they had to open before finding it and how long it took.
When they're done, ask them to do the same using the encyclopedia, also noting how long it takes. My bet is that the encyclopedia wins every time.
So if your school is trying to wire classrooms at the expense of good teachers and a better library, start screaming to your board of education. Nothing can take their place.... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

* I visited Myrtle Beach, South Carolina a few weeks ago. I hadn't been in the area for over 10 years and was shocked at how the area had grown.
The last time I was there, I was visiting my brother-in-law, who was stationed at the Air Force base on the south side of town. Since then, the base has closed, which would normally be a devastating blow for a community.
But Myrtle Beach is not a town to take such things without a good fight. They took the old air base and turned it into a modern jetport, bringing thousands of people into town daily for their clean beaches and wonderful golf courses.
The week before my visit, the area had just opened its 100th golf course. The beaches are lined with new, high rise condos and time shares. Hundreds of restaurants line the roads, and all of them were doing a great business.
Malls and specialty shops are going up everywhere. I can't remember ever seeing such a vibrant economy. It almost made you want to drool at the business opportunities.
Planet Hollywood, Hard Rock Cafe and House of Blues were a few of the major restaurants to open recently. While Planet Hollywood and the Hard Rock both had unusual architecture, it was the House of Blues that captured my attention.
House of Blues is a new chain that was started by Dan Akroyd, of the Blues Brothers fame. My first encounter with the clubs was in New Orleans where it fit in nicely with the rest of the French Quarter and it's food and music.
But that was nothing compared with what they did in Myrtle Beach. They actually built a building that looks 100 years old, using actual 100 year old materials.
While the cost of designing, finding and building this type of construction is probably two or three times the cost of using new materials, that isn't what struck me as odd.
I found it remarkable that they could get it built. I can't imagine the look on planning board faces as an architect's conception was placed before it.
But then again South Carolina construction codes can't be like New Jersey's. If they were, you'd never be able to have such growth. Can you imagine 100 major projects at the same time going before the planning board in any one of our towns.
Look at the Silvergate project in Elk Township, that has been years trying to get approval from their planning board.
Personally I'm in favor of a reduction in power by planning and zoning officials. We'd be able to take the arbitrary decisions out of construction projects by passing legislation that addresses most building projects. If governing bodies and planning boaids would do their jobs correctly, there should be extremely few projects that would have to appear before them.
We can either change our way of thinking and approaching these projects or continue to watch our population, jobs and economy move to the south... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Recently I've had quite a few telephone calls about how much it costs to publish a wedding, engagement or obituary in the Sentinel. The answer is "nothing, it's free.
I have noticed a growing trend among daily newspapers to charge for such items, and there are papers in the area who do. But I believe that such items are news, and we don't charge to place news items in The Sentinel.
Obituaries must be sent to us by a funeral home. We will not accept obituaries from family members or friends. The family should ask the funeral director to include us on his list of newspapers to notify.
Engagements should be submitted on a form that is available at our office. Again, there is no cost to publish an engagement. We do ask that both the bride-to-be and hey fiance sign the form. Any good quality photograph is acceptable, either color or black and white. Weddings should be submitted as soon as possible after they occur. Forms for this event are also available at our office. Photographs are acceptable as long as they are of good quality.
Military personnel should remember to list the Sentinel as one of their hometown newspapers When receiving a promotion, etc. The armed forces will then submit the information to us.
We receive a lot of phone calls from parents who ask when an honor roll or citizen of the month article is going to run. We use such information on a space available basis and can't determine just when they'll run. Your best bet is a yearly subscription so you won't miss an issue.
If you have an interesting story to tell, or know someone who does, give us a call at 694-1600. We're always looking for new story ideas.
We love letters to the editor, and encourage you to submit your views on any subject. Letters must be signed and have a phone number to verify the information, but we will gladly withhold your name and it will not be released to anyone.
We respect your confidentiality, and do not have caller I.D. on any of our phone lines. You can feel free to call us and leave news tips any time of the day or night.
News items from local organizations are also encouraged. We ask that you submit items at least two weeks in advance whenever possible. Too often we receive timely items that arrive too late to meet our deadline.
We also ask that all items be submitted on standard size paper, and typed whenever possible. You can't believe how hard it is to read some people's handwriting and a small scrap of paper is easily lost.
Always include a name and phone number with the item in case we need more information or to confirm dates and times. It's always better to include more information than we'll need rather than less.
Follow these few simple tips and you'll have a much better chance of getting your news item printed, both here or with any other newspaper. That's a plus for everyone involved... Don'tcha think...or Don't ya?

I have fond memories of spending time at my grandfather's house in Milnay as a boy. As soon as school was out in the summer I'd head to their home for a month or so.
One vivid memory was the outhouse, that was put into daily service by Gramps. I thought it was kind of neat and would use it during the day instead of heading inside to the "indoor plumbing,"
I hadn't thought much about outhouses recently until the other day when I was reading an article in the papers about our National Park Service, which may have spent almost a million dollars to build an outhouse in North Jersey at the Delaware Water Gap.
Original reports had indicated that the outhouse had cost $334,000. But then we later learned that we had to add the cost of the gravel parking lot, as well as a possible 16 percent "contingency fee", which may bring the cost of the two hole out-house to $933,000.
My Gandfather was a contractor, and I can't imagine what he'd think about a million dollar outhouse. His was also a two holer, and was built with lumber left over from other jobs. A high estimate would have been $25 for the "hole" project.
Granted, instead of a slate roof and picture window, it had a tar paper roof and little moon shaped window to let in light and let out the stink, but it got the same job done.
The article goes on to say that the park service believes it's "tradition of distinguished design justifies the higher cost." I'm willing:to buy into some of the "crap" that is passed off as art today:and rceives government grant money, but how in the world do you make a "distinguished" outhouse.
When I need to go, I really don't care whether the building has a picture window or not. In fact, unless there's an iriterior partition I'd prefer that it didn't. I still like a little privacy.
I realize that a million dollars doesn't go as far today as it did in Gramps day, but this example of bizarre spending is worse that the stories of $600 hammers.
The National Park Service designs its projects at its Denver Service Center. That facility has a total of 496 architects, engineers, landscapers and support personnel, according to the article.
If this center is typical of most government agencies, their productivity is about a fifth of that of private industry, and there aren't that many opportunities to to show off your talent.
A big project like an outhouse may have well taken a few dozen architects and engineers. A study was probably done of rear ends of park patrons so that the holes would be the average size and no one would fall in.
Flying the "rear guard" from Denver to Water Gap could well have cost a bun- dle. And I suppose the picture window could be justified, since most park patrons may not be carrying a magazine and may need something to occupy their minds while getting business done.
Personally, I'd like to see similar future projects "flushed" from the system...Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

I'm a little miffed abouf the recent debate on auto insurance rate caps. I am also in total agreement with Assembly Speaker Jack Collins on this issue.
Collins and the Assembly version of the insurance reform bill, sought to lower rates for approximately 70 Percent of the state by allowing higher rates for the other 30 percent who live in urban areas. Governor Whitman doesn't agree with Collins, even though they're both Republicans, and has vetoed the bill in a veto message that is 31 pages long. I don't know what hebates have taken place in the Senate and Assembly, but I can look at the issue from a strictly logical point.
If I lived in any of New Jersey's urban areas, I could do without a car. Public transportation, which you and I also subsidize, is excellent. You can jump on a bus or train and get to just about anywhere in the area that you want to.
When I worked in Philadelphia, I used public transportation extensively, and found it to be both economical and efficient.
The same can't be said about living in New Jersey rural areas. About the only buses we see in front of our homes are the big yellow ones that pick up our children and take them to school.
A car is not a luxury in our area, it is a necessity. Many of you can remember when an airplane crashed into the only market in Port Norris in Cumberland County a few years ago. Carless residents in that town were left for a time without access to food, medical care or other services unless they paid a $20 or more taxi fare into Bridgeton or Millville. Many of our poorer residents cannot afford to pay $1,000 or more for basic automobile insurance. Many of them, up to 400,000 statewide, drive without insurance, and put all of us at risk.
The state legislature has been wrestling with this problem for years. Now there seems to be a rush to push a bill through so legislators can tell their constituents that they did something before election time.
The question is should you be subsidizing a city dweller by paying for their public transportation and part of their auto insurance bill? I don't think so.
The only logical answer is to make auto insurance optional and to allow a free market in the insurance business. if you have a bad driving record and live in a high crime area, you should be paying higher insurance rates than someone who drives carefully and doesn't have auto thieves as neighbors.
Those of us who want to protect our assets against damage will continue to buy uninsured motorist coverage. Those who don't will place their assets at risk, and try to recoup damages in court.
Our current no-fault system hasn't worked since its inception. And yet our legislators can't seem to grasp that fact. Could it be that a great many of them are also lawyers, whose firms make big dollars out of automobile lawsuits?
Trenton may pass a reform bill, but we're still going to live with the auto insurance mess they're creating... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

It's quite an endorsement of Republican Congressman Frank LoBiondo that no prominent Democrats wanted to face him next fall. I understand that several Democrats told the party leaders "no thanks" when asked to oppose the incumbent congressman. When you've got a winner in Washington, forget the political aspect and vote for the man and the job he's doing.
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Speaking of elections, don't forget to get out and vote in next Tuesday's school elections. It's a shame that the election that is responsible for the biggest amount of taxes usually has the smallest turnout. Do your kids a favor and get out and vote.
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We have a group that usually gets together every Wednesday evening at j Vito's Restaurant in Bridgeton for dinner.
Last Wednesday, I happened to take a tape of Andrea Bocelli, the blind Italian tenor whose album "Romanza" is sweeping the nation, with me and had it played during dinner.
Other people in the restaurant wanted to know who was singing and the name of the album. Bocelli is fantastic. If you haven't heard him yet, I'm sure you will soon. He makes the "three tenors" sound like they need singing lessons.
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There are some rumors that if the Battleship New Jersey is finally brought to the east coast, it might be berthed at a pier in New York City.
Isn't it bad enough that New York wants to lay claim to Ellis Island without having our namesake dreadnought too? I'm in favor of docking it in Camden. Plenty of space where the old shipyards used to be. And if we could get the Navy Department to tow some of the other ships from the Philadelphia Navy Yard across the river, we could have a major tourist attraction.
Fall River, Mass. is known a lot more for "Battleship Cove" than it is for.shopping outlets. This top notch attraction could be duplicated here, using, as they do, volunteers to run and maintain the attraction.
It could also help boost attendance at the state aquarium, which needs a shot in the arm. What.better way to make the Camden waterfront a top notch tourist attraction and start rebuilding the town?
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In our "Gee Mom, you really do love me" department we bring you the story of Sandra Sigler, a Florida mother who just couldn't stay away from her little boy.
Trouble was, her little boy was an inmate at the Everglades maximum security prison, outside Miami. Mom, and two accomplices, two weeks ago, stole a tractor trailer and rammed through four security fences at the prison, guns blazing.
At last report, her son, Jay Junior, was still on the run. But mom and her accomplices were caught. Looks like as soon as junior is caught, they'll be together after all... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

Next Wednesday is April 15th. Tax day. Throughout history, no one except a politician has liked taxes, and the rest of us have always thought that the less we have to pay, the better.
But things don't seem to be getting any better. In fact, according to Congressman Joe Barton of Texas, "taxes are at a peacetime high."
The Congressman pomts out that the average citizen now pays 19.9 percent of his or her income in federal income taxes. You also pay an additional 6.75% in Social Security taxes which is matched by a like amount your employer pays. Money that could go into your pocket if it wasn't being paid to the federal government.
In addition to this, you're paying at least another 2 percent in New Jersey income taxes, six percent in sales taxes and some of the highest property taxes in the nation.
Congessman Barton has come up with the Barton Tax Limitation Amendment, which the House of Representatives is expected to vote on this month. This proposed Constitutional Amendment already has 140 cosponsors. And judging from recent polls, which show 75 percent of Americans favor a constitutional limit on taxation, you're probably in favor of it too.
Barton says that Americans should no longer be required to spend more on taxes than they do on housing, food and clothing combined.
Barton says that small groups of "special.interests" band together to lobby and pressure congress to increase spending in areas that usually benefit their members. "Taxpayers, however, are spread evenly throughout the country and find it difficult and uneconomical to band together to stop tax increases," he notes. Barton's amendment would make it more difficult for congress to raise your taxes by requiring a two-thirds majority of both houses of Congress, instead of just a majority, before taxes could be increased.
The Congressman points out that four of the last five tax increases would not have been passed if they needed a 2/3 majority. Most of those increases passed by slim majorities.
In fact, he points out that the biggest tax increase in history, the Clinton tax increase of 1993, passed the House by just one vote and required a tie-breaking vote in the Senate by Vice President Al Gore.
If you think the Barton' Amendment makes sense, call or` write your elected official today and register your support. It does make a difference.
I find it hard to believe that a student in Greenbriar High School in Evans, GA was suspended for wearing a Pepsi t-shirt on Coke Day at the school.
What are schools doing endorsing products anyway? Don't we pay enough in taxes to keep commercialism out of the educational process?
Seems to me like the one who should have been booted out of the school was the officials who dreamed up this idiotic idea... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

With New Jersey being such a small state, you'd think that we would be able to unite ourselves into a unit that could be somewhat cohesive.
But in fact, we're as diverse as California in our social and political problems. I can remember on a trip to the Sacramento area, of people complaining about the political muscle in Los Angeles that was setting their state's course.
Here in New Jersey, we're no different. Like an upside down California, the northeast corner of our state contains the bulk of our population, and sets our political destiny to a great extent.
Depending on what part of the state we're from, we look at things from a vastly different perspective. To begin with, we have a lot more breathing room down here.
If you take the population of just three north counties, Union, Hudson and Essex, which are crammed into an area half the size of Cumberland County, they exceed the number of people you'll find in all of South Jersey from Trenton south.
Most of these people can wake up, and on a clear day, see the top of the World Trade Center in New York. That's also where they're oriented.
Thanks to bills passed by North Jersey politicians, we are subsidizing the Meadowlands Sports Complex with our tax dollars while teams that play there continue to fail to recognize the fact that they are playing in our state. Can anyone tell me why leases don't require teams to be named the Jersey Giants and Jersey Jets?
Recently, New York and New Jersey have been battling over who really owns the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Once again, I have a solution to the problem.
Why don't we give both properties to New York as long as they also agree to accept another part of the state, say from Trenton north.
New York would probably go for the idea since the city could annex several of the communities on the west side of the Hudson and once again become the largest city in the United States.
Most of the residents of the northern part would never know they were annexed, which is evident when you look at the geography scores from most of their schools.
South Jersey would not object since we would get rid of the biggest drain on our treasury and would also be rid of Trenton and the politicians that go with it.
We could begin fresh, with a new capital, geographically centered in the Hammonton area, new laws and new politicians.
If done right, we could run our state without property taxes. With a small income tax and the revenues generated from a lottery and Atlantic City, it should be sufficient to pay for our schools and the operation of local governments.
The only down side to all of this is that we'd still have Camden in our area, one of the top cities in the nation for unemployment and poverty. But there's always the possibility of trading it to Philadelphia.... Don'tcha think... or Don't ya?

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